Wowzers! Where have I been?! I guess that’s always the way with a traveler – or anyone who writes a blog, really – life gets busy and beautifully in the way. I really just want to say THANK YOU. I can see that traffic is still coming here, looking for updates, so I appreciate you guys staying interested while I was being a jerk. Seriously.

A lot has happened, friends. All good things, for the most part, of course!  Some somewhat wibbly wobbly times involving stuff back in Ottawa but that happens. Distance wears thin on some people and I was never good at walking on eggshells and in china shops. This proves to be difficult sometimes..
June is always a hard month, now. For those of you who are unaware, my Da passed away suddenly back in June 2012, the day before Father’s Day. So that sucked…
Anyhoo, this third one was really no different, but it was a little softer. Easier on my heart. It’s just weird sometimes – thinking how long and not so long ago it was. How easily the world just continues on, even though your life is just so dramatically different. It’s seriously just so fucking bizarre. You just stop abruptly and think – wait.. that happened, right?! And you actually question it for a second. Because you move on. You learn to deal with it. You go back to your new, everyday normal – even when you swore things would never be the same. But it is – and isn’t. It’s the same routine, now it’s just missing a person. Sometimes you adapt to it – find something to replace the hole – and sometimes, it no longer even makes you blink. Instead of avoiding the hole, you have now paved over it and walk through. I don’t know.. I’m still trying to figure it out, I guess..? I’m trying to find a balance between not forgetting and not feeling guilty that it no longer drags me down as much because I’m not thinking of him constantly anymore. And that sometimes feels like betrayal. Heather laid a couple of flowers on his stone for me, which was lovely of her. She’s doing the same for his birthday for me in August. I’m blessed to be able to count on her for that.

I settled in quickly here, as I figured I would. Got a job with the company I used to come over with, BritBound, so that was lovely. I basically never left their office so I guess they figured they might as well pay me and make me useful. And I love it. I love my 95% desk job. Which is SO bizarre-o for me to say, because I fucking hate desks. And sitting. What a stagnant way to live… But this is different – thankfully. I’m involved in things I would never have been privy to otherwise, it makes me seek out interesting events that I wouldn’t have sought out and I’ve met a ridiculous amount of really crazy, smart, brave, stunningly gorgeous and hilarious people that – again – I probably wouldn’t have.

I live with a very good friend of mine and a few other flatmates in a location that I absolutely love. We will soon be changing flats to move in with a couple other buds and I just can’t bloody wait. We all met through BritBound at a Base Party. I don’t remember much of the night, but I sure remember them. With them I have:

 Been turned into glowing painted masterpieces

Strutted in parades
(London Pride)

Waved to Lizzie
(Royal Ascot Races)

Been in two places at once
(Meridian Line – Greenwich)

Raced horses with a drink in my hand

Become a witch
(Harry Potter Studio Tour)

Brushed past legends and sat with heroes
(Kenny Baker, Dave Prowse, and Stan Lee – London Film and Comic Con)

Won a prize of being put into a comic (THRILLING!)

Walked amongst giants
(The Giants in Liverpool)

Raised many a glass, shared many a laugh, and croaked many a lyric… and I haven’t cried in a very long time.
(Middle pictures: Miley Cyrus and Jack White)

But I can appreciate that I’m missing some big moments back in Ottawa. The birth of my second nephew, Grayson is the major one. Still getting used to seeing my boys through a laptop screen instead of real life – it’s a bit of a heart clencher, that… Missed Da’s baseball tournment and will miss the FireFighter Memorial in September – it’s been years since I haven’t been… May miss my lovely friend’s Jess’ wedding – had to turn down a bridesmaid position which, again, squeezed my heart quite a bit.. I realize that I’m missing stuff that I will never get back. And I still don’t know if I’m just avoiding it – life, settling in, being still, fitting a mould while trying not to fit a mould. I don’t know if I’m just running as fast as I can from it – actually dealing with everything that has ever happened to me, since I seem to be constantly told that I haven’t dealt with anything, that I need to “discuss” my circumstance involving my body turning against me, my brain turning against me, the death and loss of loved ones..

Or if I’m just sincerely not meant to live that life… or at least, maybe not yet. I get the funny feeling that I’ll be a nomad for a little whiles yet..

Until next week, friend

If you have a minute, please check out  https://twitter.com/The_Fitzroy and http://thefitzroy.com/ for the guys I won the contest from. It’s some stellar content! They’ve done a movie and a comic series